I had started a post along these lines then I saw that and I realized I couldn't put it as perfectly as they did! I will admit in the past I have been a bit preachy about many things, but it is something that has improved with time. I think that is mostly a new mom problem, when you have been doing all this research into this, that and the other you want to share it. Now when someone asks me about something I do I have to tell them I'll try and find some info for them, but I honestly don't remember most of it..... The rest of it I feel like I do okay on.
I always try to joke with the mom with the screaming toddler in the grocery stores, "We all have those days" or "Hang in there, you're doing good."
Why take the time to associate with a stranger that most people are glaring at? Well for starters, it could just as easily be you. A few months ago I stopped at the feed store after an already rough trip to the grocery store. I warned the girls I was at the end of my rope and they better behave because I had to go in here. My girls promptly found the dog cages and began locking each other in them. "Those are not toys!" Agh! I should have let the chickens starve, my blood pressure rising, I was about to lose it. Then two employees walk up and laugh at how cute the girls are and tell me it's no big deal. With the employees' blessing I let them continue locking each other in cages while I collect the things I need. One of them tells me she can't believe how 'together' I am. I'm sure I gave her a look that showed how crazy I thought she was. "It's pure deception, a complete lie, if I appear that way. I'm definitely not." This was complete opposite of the reaction I got at the grocery store. There, people were giving me nasty looks and huffing because my kids weren't paying attention where they were walking and taking up the whole aisle on top of being loud.
I realized I let those people at the grocery store guilt me into a bad mood and I had carried it over to the next stop. Had those ladies been at the first stop I would not have lost my temper in the car in between stores. The girls weren't doing anything awful they were just being kids.
It doesn't have to just be when kids are acting up. If you see a mom doing something you think is good, say something! That can help just as much! At Lemur's soccer game a couple of weeks ago I was on my own until halftime with all the munchkins. Lemur decided she didn't want to play. I read some picture books to my girls and one of her teammates. Then she wanted to hang out under the umbrella with her 'soccer friends' and draw in her book. The other parents were yelling at her that it was her turn, get up, go play. The grandmother who had the umbrella the couple of girls were sitting under put it up hoping to convince her to play. After half time, I told her daddy had just showed up and he wanted to watch her play. She said, " No, I'm good." I told the coach again that it was no big deal, put someone else in. She passed up another turn to play under the same circumstances. Then the last chance I kneeled beside her and told her if she didn't want to play that was fine, but we'd head for home since this was the last turn. I was actually hoping she'd say okay and we could escape the parking lot 10 minutes before everyone else! She chose to play.... darn..... :) As we were leaving a mom told me I was a good mom and that she really liked the way I handled my girls, it was very sweet. I laughed and said thanks, but it touched me for her to take the time to say something.
Since that day I have been trying to channel that version of me when things get rough. It's my zen moment. That day was great for me, it felt like a great day even though Chris had to stay behind to work on the tractor and we were late getting to the game. Before that mother even said something my mind was in the right place that day. However, had she not said what she did that day would probably have disappeared into the recesses of memory never to be thought of again. But, she did, I will now remember that day hopefully for a very long time. It's the first time I think someone has called me a good mom :p
Now when things get rough, like they did at the museum on Monday, I can remember that day at soccer, how good I felt and where I was mentally. I sat on the floor at the museum rocking my screaming three year old even if people thought I was strange, it didn't matter because I knew it was what I needed to do. Honestly I didn't even look at the people passing by us because it didn't matter if they disapproved.
So, my point is, we're a sisterhood of mothers, all of us. That lady with one or the lady with ten, doesn't matter. We're united, there are no strangers. Say something to her, whether it be on a bad day or a good day. You never know what kind of difference a few syllables from your mouth can make.
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