A Long Journey

I was asked when I started this blog what would make me different from every other blog out there. I responded that I wanted to be "meatier and real." I wanted real mothering, real homeschooling, not the prettied up, everything is perfect, show off kind of blog. I've not been posting much lately because I've only had one thing on my mind and have been unable to blog about it. Well, my husband has finally released me (I was being nice and waiting till he was ready to discuss it with his family) to speak on the subject openly. So here goes.....

This is my Howler. She is a little over four years old. She's been described by friends as perpetual emotion, cute as a Gerber baby, and a ball of energy.

All these things are incredibly accurate. She is a fabulous kid that can find joy in nearly any activity. On the flip side of that there have always been some issues. It took her a few months to look us in the eye. All the "experts" online and off said she was probably overwhelmed or distracted and assured me it was no big deal. She did eventually start looking at us, smiling and giggling so I trusted the experts.

 

She screamed and cried a lot as a baby and toddler. Not that you could tell from these pictures. She has always been very alert and always watching what everyone is doing. At some point around a year and a half she decided she could only wear dresses. She was very quiet, but babbled and talked in her own language.... when she wasn't screaming.

At three the only food word she had was "eat" and she would repeat it louder and louder until we figured out what she wanted to eat. She had two dozen words or so that she used regularly and most were not intelligible to other people. Her frustration with me and her sisters was growing. We had agreed if she hadn't made a leap in her ability to speak by the time she was three we would pursue help.

Had I realized how long wait lists were for these things I would have started earlier. Her first hearing test was at 3 years and 3 months. She was uncooperative and in the end the audiologist stopped the test and asked us to go home, practice the game and come back in a couple of weeks. Of course the next available date was over a month away. We tried to practice the hearing game, but she was not interested. I ended up cancelling the next hearing test.

Meanwhile, I started calling around to find a speech therapist. I landed on one with a four to six month waiting list. They are nearby and everyone says great things about them. They sent me a novel to fill out on my daughter. It took me a week to finish. Well, maybe not literally, but it felt like it. Then before I had a chance to mail it back Howler got a hold of it and destroyed it. She drew all over it, cut it into pieces, and made it rather unusable.

It was November at this point and I took it as a sign we needed to wait. She was making progress with me at home. She had quite a few more words, including farm animals, foods, and her sister's names. I couldn't possibly take on another thing with a newborn coming anyway so I waited until January before contacting them about resending the novel for me to fill out. The wait this time, three or four months. Keep in mind this isn't for therapy this is just to meet with someone to evaluate her speech delay. THEN you go on the therapy waiting list.

Fortunately, a friend of mine suggested another speech therapist and they could see her quickly for the evaluation which would get us on the therapy waiting list at the place we were wanting to go to sooner. At 3 years and 10 months we finally got her speech evaluated to the tune of $400. The result, she is behind in both her ability to speak and her ability to understand speech by a little more than a year and a half. Honestly, I felt like the mom in Scrooged who says something along the lines, "$400 to tell me you don't speak. I know you don't speak!"

She has the language skills and behaviors of a two year old. Something I already knew at this point, but I had to get her evaluated in order to get her the speech therapy I knew she needed. We decided to try another speech therapist while we waited for the opening at our clinic of choice and it did not go well. We knew after one session it wasn't going to work. This therapist asked three times if Howler had been diagnosed with any behavioral issues.

Finally at a little over 4 years old she has begun speech therapy. I am incredibly happy we held out for this therapist. She is wonderful with Howler and handles her behavior perfectly with patience and understanding. However, she said the same thing the previous one did. Different acronyms were tossed around such as ADHD, ASD, and SPD. She suggested we look into occupational therapy and a neurodevelopmental psychologist.

So there is the first chapter of our long journey. I hope it can be useful to someone. If any locals want the names and numbers of the places we have used feel free to message me.

Guilt

I went to dinner with some other moms last night. We're all part of a local homeschool group. Well, part of, it's not like there's a roster we just get together and do things. Anyway, once a month we have Mom's Night Out. We usually stay lighthearted and complain about things in our lives. We enjoy hearing we're not the only ones dealing with these issues. It always feels good to know you're not alone.

Last night our conversations turned to guilt. Guilt over the way we raise our children. It was interesting to hear everyone saying similar things.

" I wish I had known..."
" If I have another I will..."
" Why did I do that?"
" I can't believe I did that!"
" Sometimes I feel so frustrated/aggravated/upset when I know I shouldn't."

The last being the most dangerous in my opinion. When you dismiss your own feelings you are setting yourself up for failure. It's okay to feel x, y or z (all those emotions good moms supposedly don't feel) at times even when you don't think you should! How can we teach our children to process their emotions when we are so quick to dismiss our own.

The point of this post is to say: You aren't the only one who feels like you've messed up everything and ruined your children. After I left dinner I remembered something a very wise friend of mine used to say:

"You did the best you could with the information you had at the time."

When you dwell on all the ways you should have handled your children differently it's like trying to resuscitate a long dead horse. No matter how much air you try to breath into it, it's gone. The longer you let the corpse sit there the sicker you will become mentally. Bury the horse and move on.

Let's forgive ourselves for all of our true or perceived screw ups and move forward into a guiltless world. Motherhood is hard enough without pouring salt into our own wounds. Just do the best you can with the information you have right now and keep learning.

What's up with the heavy posts? Come on! Some humor. Some lightheartedness. Nope, not today. I've got one more heavy post and then hopefully we can get back to something more entertaining.

Hypocrisy

To catch you up my kids were sick last week.

Tamarin and Lemur both had eye and ear infections, but Tamarin also had an infection of the tissue around the eye. This was last week. We went to the doctor and my kids have been on their first round of antibiotics ever. Yes, ever. Tamarin is nearly 7 and Lemur is 5 1/2. So the next time you balk at natural healing methods keep that in mind. Most kids I know have had their first round of antibiotics before they ever reach 2. The doc said it was probably a bacterial infection they picked up from other kids. I figure we picked it up at the zoo two weeks ago.

The doc said by Saturday my kids would no longer be contagious. Sure enough by Friday they were both fine and insistent they didn't need to take their meds anymore. Ugh, so frustrating to explain why you can feel fine and still need to finish your medicine twice a day for another week. 

We cancelled all our plans this week with friends just in case they were contagious. Yet I still took my kids to their classes. Last night I mulled it over because I felt guilty. I've gone on a tirade here and elsewhere about people not staying home when ill and yet I took my kids to classes when I wasn't willing to risk contaminating our friends and family. 

Do I think they were contagious? No. So I'm torn between two guilts. I cancelled with friends quite possibly for no good reason and I also took my kids to classes potentially contaminating other kids.

Why drag this out on the blog? Simple, when you have kids you can't keep anything from anyone. The moment your child knows something or has done something it becomes international common knowledge. I don't care how obscure you are in your metaphors. Don't talk about things you don't want kids to share in front of them. If you do something you better believe everyone in your world will know about it.

I think I should apologize to everyone I cancelled on this week. I'm sorry. My schedule has been so packed lately I think I was eager to have an excuse to have less commitments. So when my kids tell you they went to gymnastics and speech this week please don't hate me for cancelling on you. If it makes you feel better do know I feel very bad about it.

Missing

How? How do they do it? How can they lose things so easily? I don't understand. I have searched in and under couches. I have searched under every bed, between every mattress and box springs, behind the headboard. Under dressers, bookshelves, laundry baskets, EVERYWHERE! How? In under and hour they could lose something. There's not a day goes by that something isn't missing in this house.

I came across this book online a couple of nights ago and I think I might need it or something similar.

Never mind, the book I really need is:

Why fix something when it's more fun to laugh about it :) Besides no matter how organized I get my tornadoes make a point to ensure it won't last long.


What is the strangest place you have found a missing item? What is the most obvious that went unfound for far too long?

For me it was a check card that was slid into a handle of a toy box, well, that's rather obvious place for a child to put a check card apparently she thought the toy box should be spitting out cash in return. Why did it take me weeks to find it?

I don't have any strange stories other than a plate and half eaten pizza at the bottom of the toy room closet under a huge pile of stuffed animals..... when things go missing and you don't know they are missing.... oops....

House Code

"Shhhh! Capuchin is sleeping." translation: "Stomp as hard as you can with each step, run through the house as fast as you can and scream at the top of your lungs!"

"(Insert kid name here), would you please....." translation:  "Put your fingers in your ears, hum as loud as you can, just do something to avoid hearing what I'm about to ask you to do."

"No." translation: "Ask again in two minutes then when I say no again rephrase it just a little and continue to ask every two minutes until mama blows her lid."

"Put your shoes on." translation: "We're leaving so do everything you can think of that does not involve us getting a smidgen closer to getting out the door."

"Pick up your toys." translation: "......."



I read quite a bit of this book around the time Howler was born. It's useful, but honestly I don't think there's any way around miscommunication when it comes to children no matter how much you try to prepare and be an attentive parent.

How about you? Have any good house codes to share?

Cheap Entertainment

I've had my hands full lately with sick kids, but here's something I meant to blog about last weekend when we did it :)

Are you tired of buying sprinklers for $15 or $20 for them to only last one season. Either they stop their swaying movement or the plastic breaks. Not to mention, aren't you tired of saying, "PUT THE SPRINKLER DOWN!!" I know I am.

Here is my solution: a bit of duct tape, a thumb tack, and a gatorade bottle from the dollar store.

Instant sprinkler that they can be as rough on as they want. When they finally turned the water pressure up it was a lesson in water powered rocketry :)

Then add soap and your bath time commitment has been full filled :p I'm joking. They found my soap bottle for washing the dogs and had another thirty minutes of fun playing with the bubbles.

Anyway, I thought I'd share the cheap sprinkler idea. I wish I'd done it before! You just use a thumb tack to make a line of holes down one side. Don't be tempted to make them larger, thumb tack is all you need. Be generous with the duct tape though.

What are your favorite cheap summer time killers?

Just - Don't Tell Me

This was the second day in a row that someone told me something. The tone was chipper and uplifting -

"Wow, you look - "

My brain - good, great, together, wonderful, accomplished. I lost a few pounds. I did a lot today and feel pretty good about that.

"exhausted."

Oh.... I forget what the exact word was, tired, exhausted, over whelmed, something to that effect. It's all true of course, but I thought I at least appeared together.

I was surrounded by other mothers... maybe they can spot it better than others due to familiarity. Kinda like how animals are supposed to smell fear.

As I drove home I realized I can feel my eyelids dragging lower than normal. They feel heavy.... and poofy.

We had three commitments in two days. That may not sound like much, but with four young kids it really is. It's a production just getting out the door and half the time when you crawl into the driver's seat you begin debating whether it's worth it to leave at all or throw your hands in the air and drag everyone back inside.

This morning for example, breakfast was early. It needed to be eaten BEFORE we left the house just after eight. This is very early since I usually don't have breakfast on the table till nine. Anyway, it's time to go - "I'm hungry!"

"Grab your muffins and toast and get in the car or we'll be late."

Fifteen minutes later, I'm buckling Howler in her seat, " Hungry!"

"Where's your bread?"- Me
"Gone." - Howler
"She lost it!" - Tamarin
"The dog ate it!" - Lemur
*sigh*
"I've got bread!" - Tamarin holds up the bag of rolls Grandma had given her the day before that never left the car.
"No - you ate yours." - Lemur
"I have bread." - Tamarin
"Hungry!" - Howler

Unlock, turn off alarm, run into kitchen, grab a piece of bread, alarm, lock, in the car.

"NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S ROLLS!!"
"YES IT IS!!"

The thirty seconds it took me to run inside was enough time for the conversation between Tamarin and Lemur to devolve into a screaming match over whether roll and bread can refer to the same item. Seriously?!

New policy -  the car needs to be quiet when I climb in, no exceptions. For everyone else, do me a favor - If you see me and I look awful, just don't tell me. I already know, but allow me the fantasy that it's not obvious :p

Magic School Bus

If you didn't hear by now, Magic School Bus is on NETFLIX!!! Woohoo!!! I had been eying the complete series on Amazon for months so this was truly exciting for me (I know. What a geek, right?)

I've picked up quite a few of the Magic School Bus books at the used book store. I found out this week though that Scholastic has lesson plans and activities to go with the show and books as well for free!

Something I'd seen on Zulily is worth mentioning as well. There are science kits you can buy to go along with the show and books as well: Individual kits (You can buy it from the Young Scientist Club, but it's cheaper on Amazon) or a year's subscription. Once a year or so I've noticed they go on sale through Zulily.

I already mentioned before that I enjoy the Magic School Bus chapter books more than Magic Tree House. I feel like they are written better and are overflowing with information. For anyone who is a fan consider checking out this spoof Youtube trailer for a live action Magic School Bus film -



Anyway, I just had to pull all this info together for a friend so I thought I'd share it with everyone :) Hope it does someone some good!

Money Doesn't Grow on Trees, but Warm Fuzzies Do

Oh yeah, I had to punish you with some of my art work again. Pencil, my favorite. Blah. Tamarin has always asked why Daddy or Mommy had to go to work and she always got the answer, "Because we have to have money to pay for food, house, water, electricity. Everything you have and see has to be bought with money." She has understood that for a while and has been wonderful at saving her own money to buy her dog things.

Now we are creeping up on 7 years old and her wishlist on Amazon is.... hmm... well, she's got expensive taste. She keeps talking about all the things she will get for her birthday and I keep explaining to her she will not get everything on her list. She will be lucky to get SOMETHING from her list because she chose things that are very expensive.

" Well, how can I get more money?"
" You get a job, but you are too young to work."
" Can Daddy get more money?"
" Not likely."
" Where do they get money?"
" The government makes it."
" Can we make money?"
" No, that's illegal. You go to jail for making money."

The rest of the conversation turns into a discussion of how our economic system works. You work to get money. The only way you can avoid work is to go dig for gold, silver, other valuable rocks and  minerals, which is itself very hard work. Followed up once again with: You grow up, get a job (or dig?), move out, home of your own, possibly marry, maybe have kids, etc. Which she has all heard before.

" I don't want to grow up. I want to stay home with you forever."

I wonder how many more years of that attitude I have left?

How did you explain to your young children why they can't have everything they want?

History in a Box

Some of these are family, including some photos of my grandparents and great grandparents when they were young. Others, we have no idea. These were the ones that caught my eye be it for outfits, subject matter or pose. I found a handful of surveillance photos over Japan recording some bombings during WWII. There was also a journal that says 1867. I've included a couple of the pages if anyone wants to try to decipher the cursive. 

 

Anyway, hope you enjoyed looking at them as much as I did. If you are interested in seeing more then leave me a comment here or on facebook. There are hundreds more photos and historical mementos. These are the latest ones I found yesterday that did not get wet.